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@  artlouis : (27 August 2014 - 11:36 AM) Code 7019
@  vet201060 : (26 August 2014 - 11:41 PM) Damn Post It Notes
@  vet201060 : (26 August 2014 - 11:41 PM) True That
@  Asiadaug : (26 August 2014 - 07:46 PM) I Have Yet To Deal With Any Piece Of Va That Isn't A Dysfunctional Mess...ebenefits, Claim Filing, Billing...and To Think Our Tax Dollars Are Used To Perpetuate That Calamity!
@  carlie : (26 August 2014 - 05:39 PM) notorious kelly - loved your shout ! ! !
@  GlassRose1500 : (26 August 2014 - 03:40 PM) Would Someone Add Smc Housbound Plus Smc A&a Regular And One Smc K For Me? I Can't Seem To Do That Math!
@  Notorious Kelly : (26 August 2014 - 03:12 PM) Ebenefits Is Not A Thermometer In The Rectum Of Your Claim; It Is A Post-It Note That May Or Not Be Updated Or Accurate. Try Not To Obsess ;)
@  mcassidy : (26 August 2014 - 01:25 PM) Osa
@  Jaluluah11B : (26 August 2014 - 10:05 AM) My Reconsideration Finally Showed Up On Ebenefits As A New Claim.  gathering Evidence.  [font=Arial][size=3]Automated 5103 Notice Response Needed. [/size][/font]
@  vet201060 : (26 August 2014 - 10:00 AM) Went From Pending Decision Approval To Review Of Evidence Today, I Need To Stop Looking At It. Drives You Crazy Waiting
@  GlassRose1500 : (25 August 2014 - 09:30 PM) @coriemboh I Get My Best Claim Advice Here, But My Dav Guy Gets The Best Intel Once The Claim Is Filed
@  coriemboh : (25 August 2014 - 08:57 PM) The Average Processing Time Is 9 Months More Or Less. Every Time I Call The 800#, I Get A Different Answer. Goe, Roe....make Up Your Mind!
@  coriemboh : (25 August 2014 - 08:56 PM) I Just Want To Know Ballpark Figure Of How Much Longer My Claim Will Take. The Bills Are Piling Up. Adds To My Anxiety And Depression. Sure Wish I Could Tell Bill Collectors The Same Things Va Tells Me!
@  coriemboh : (25 August 2014 - 08:54 PM) @glassrose1500-No, I Don't. I Put In For Representation A Few Days Ago, But I'm Sure That End Won't Pan Out Until The Claim Is Closed.
@  GlassRose1500 : (25 August 2014 - 12:11 PM) Would Appreciate Feedback On My Smc Draft - Posted In The Smc Section! Tkx!
@  GlassRose1500 : (25 August 2014 - 12:04 PM) @coriemboh - Do You Have A Service Rep You Can Call? They Usually Have More Info...
@  coriemboh : (25 August 2014 - 11:16 AM) Called The 800 # To Check Status Of Claim. Really Frustrated With The Lack Of Information.
@  vet201060 : (25 August 2014 - 10:12 AM) Just Checked Ebenefits And Claim Was Pending Decision Approval And Then Checked Few Minutes After That And Now Prep For Decision. Drives Me Crazy
@  coriemboh : (24 August 2014 - 10:00 PM) Anyone Else Having A Hard Time With Evet Updates? Mine Is Taking Forever!
@  SSG O : (23 August 2014 - 08:03 PM) Love This Site





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And So It Begins...

Posted by hedgey , 04 June 2012 · 1462 views

If I'm understanding this blog thing, this is an appropriate place for me to do my rambling and ranting, instead of in forum threads. This way, when I go off on tangents, I'm not derailing someone's thread and/or possibly getting someone's question waylaid and lost.

If I'm wrong about what this blog is for, someone tell me!!

But I think this is for thing like:

The other night I was at the stove stirring something. DH was beside me, cutting veggies and we were talking about how I miss my mother because she had a special knack with the recipe we were doing. DH put his hands on my shoulders and was consoling me but he had his hands too close to the back of my neck. I freaked out.

This isn't something that has happened very often with DH, but if I'd had a knife in my hand instead of a spoon, he would have been seriously hurt. I don't want to go into details, but an Ativan helped me get back down from the ceiling, and he was very understanding. But sad, because it was sad for him to know he could make me feel so terrible. He understands because he has the same kind of response when approached from behind or grabbed suddenly.

I'm feeling despondent about it. I struggled, struggled, to keep my reaction under control, because I didn't want to distress him. Just thinking about how I felt makes me tense and I can feel rage simmering. I need to go take a damned pill now.

Then they (therapist, VA, family) wonder why I don't want to go out.

This was in my kitchen, in my home, in my bunker, with my best friend and dearest partner activating the monster response.

Uff.




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Sergent Emmons
Jun 27 2012 12:24 PM
I here ya m8 I dont go out much and react with out thinking as well...luckily it's been mostly my mouth..
but it makes it hard on my wife, she is super! and understands that I don't have the control of my emotions like most other folks.
I am working on stopping my self from having knee jerk reaction to a negative situation but now and then it just sneaks out of me..many of us have this problem and each of us has to find the mental tools to help us
over come it.
I don't think we ever get over it really just learn to mask it and hide it from others.

good luck on this issue

Sgt Emmons
  • Report
So it's been a long time since I posted at all. It's been really dark around here since our daughter moved out. Well, mainly since the fight, though it wasn't that so much as finding out how desperate she was to get away from us. I haven't let myself think about it too much . My therapist is always trying to convince me that I'm important to my family, but it's getting hard to hold onto that. My daughter was the only reason I kept on living for so long. What do I do with knowing that its been hell for her? My husband saysvhe needs me, but how can that be true? I'm afraid to move to turn my head. I'm writing here because it's not paper that anyone can find or read, they don't knoe this is here and won't read it. Words are always misunderstood and confused. Better I should be going.
  • Report

I think this is the best place for this, because now I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. 

  • Report

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