I believe that this is something many of us deal with on a frequent basis.
Same tdoc gave me some "wonderful" (gag, choke, cough) advice about dealing with my extreme anger...........ready?.............she told me to just "not react".
Wow! Wish I'd known it was that easy all along!! O...M...G......

I told her about a couple of specific incidents where a parent on my son's baseball team was upset because my son was playing one of his positions (3rd)...a position her son had been called up from the Jr team to play and now he was in the outfield. She was right behind me saying very negative things about my son...and yup, she knows who I am!
Basically, my son is a senior.....her son is younger. My son can also hit better....(she was complaining about his place in the batting order as well).
I'm this close () to going off on her if she says one more thing. Yet tdocs grand and glorious advice is to "not react"...............obviously she doesn't have kids.

Anger. How do you deal with it??

Y

LOL--Yeah Purple I've heard that advice for years. Best thing I've found to relieve the anger is to pound the living crap outta the person bothering you, unfortunately this action has damaged severely whatever is left of my post military career in the civilian world and has also resulted in me getting strange looks when ever my wife of 41 years lets me outta the house
On a serious note, and maybe this insight comes with age, I have learned to sometimes recognize the warning signs that I am about to lose it and I try just to get away from whatever is bothering me. Literally, I will turn around, walk away and go be by myself until I get myself under control. I still have a lot of anger, and I still get in trouble, but I am doing a little better.
God Bless you Purple and good luck. Hang in there buddy I think that it is awesome that you're going to your son's games. My kids are grown and turned out great. I think keeping them in sports was a key part of giving them a normal life. Sounds like your son is a pretty good ball player.

Cavtrooper088

Why????
I was hoping to hear how others deal with their anger so that it might help me since my tdoc isn't helpful.
Plus sharing ideas on here might be helpful to everyone.

Yes Purple, I to have problems with things like that but I think we all have them and some people just say don't respond but I can't do that. I have a nephew who gets on my nerves just by showing up at my house. Next time he shows up I won't say anything to him I will just call the police and ask them to please come by and remove him. Maybe then he will understand we don't have anything in common. I am learning anger managment. More than one way to handle a proplem.

I use what I call "avoidance therapy" - I avoid situations that cause me anger. You could not go to the game. You could ignore the statements. You could move your seating. You could just figure the source and let it go. She's not making you angry, you are. The anger comes from within, just like depression. You are the one causing it. That's the best I can offer. I know it works for me. It's amazing how relaxing it can be to just let it go. I also just think to myself how lucky they are because I've allowed them to live another day. ;-) jmo

pr

purple,
I would have NO problem turning around to her - looking her directly in the eye'sand saying something like,

Hey lady - even the kids know that if they have a problem with how the game is getting played
to take it up with the coach. It's his job to make the best decision for the team as a whole.
And by the way - I'm sure all the parents out here are getting tired of you sitting around and bashing the kids. We come here to support the team - not to hear this garbage.

Something that simple will show your maturity and shut her trap, at least within your hearing distance. It will also probably make her a little paranoid about what the other parents
maybe saying about her.

jmho,
carlie

The only good thing is that this other boy and his parents are NOT going on the upcoming 3-day tournament in South Bend Indiana. It's this Fri-Sun. So I don't have to put up with her then. There is another parent of a younger boy who makes rude comments, but everyone thinks that he is an a$$.

Yes, as far as playing time/positions. The coaches have always said that it's up to the players to discuss that with the coaches. I mean, this is HS varsity baseball....these are young men...not little league anymore; time for "mommies and daddies" to step aside and let the coaches coach. It's obvious that some can't do that.

As far as me causing my own anger and depression....I disagree.

Our next game is Monday evening. Oh yippie-skippie.

Rip her throat out with your teeth! It is messy and bloody, but effective. Are you bigger than her? I would not want you to get bashed unless you can really bite through main arteries in her neck. I suggest you watch the movie "Let the Right One In" to see how it is done even by a 12 year old.

LOL...don't tempt me John.

Actually I use something that I learned on Hadit. It does not work but I tell myself mentally to wait a minute before I say something or write something. You would be surprised to see how many posts I make and than when I read it I either edit or just don't post it.

Counting to 10 mentally also helps me and sometimes I will say the Serenity Prayer to myself.

It has made me a better person although I am first to admit that when I am stressed I forget my tools at times.

I hope that you are able to get some of the stress out of your life as I think that is probably the most important thing to help anger issues. Most of the stuff we get ad at is really not that big a deal a few minutes later.

You can disagree but both anger and depression come from within us. It's caused by how we think about things that go on around us. Once one realizes that, they can change their thinking.

pr

PR

You hit the nail on the head. Its not what is going on around us it is what we do about it. I quit looking at news shows on TV and feel a whole lot better.

Sure the feelings come from inside....but the causes of the feelings come from outside stressors and those are beyond my control. Those are the triggers. And once I'm triggered (with either anger or depression or PTSD issues) there are many times I can't stop it....it's much like the snowball effect.

So, all I have to do to overcome my depression is to change my thinking?
And, all this time I thought I had something seriously wrong with me.

Some of these anger things are chemical. I know that for sure. When I get steroid injections I always get edgy. When I take certain pain killers I get angry for no reason except what the chemical is doing to me. I know this and I can predict it like clockwork. I take my some pain meds and meds to calm me down and I get depressed. This is not my thinking. This is those chemicals soaking into my brain and firing up my anger responses. Contact with other people is the best way to cope with depression. I don't mean hacking into them but talk like in psychotherapy. I was in a group for about 30 years and it saved my life. I felt safe for the first time in my life.

If someone is diagnosed with MDD or Bipolar it is a chemical imbalance. If you experience something like death in a family then that is just situational and most overcome it and the depression goes away.

I agree along with most shrinks that there is a chemical imbalance that's causing the depression and/or bipolar.....this is including anger issues.

jay

Wow wholesale....where did you get your psych degree?
My Dad passed away almost 3 years ago....you just don't "get over" stuff like that. I sat for 4 days and watched him die.

Since no ADs have ever helped me....I don't believe mine is a chemical imbalance. The majority of it goes back to my PTSD issues and life issues that keep piling on.

Again, most, not all, with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or MDD have chemical imbalance. Yes, there are other things too. That's just generally speaking.

Jay

I do have a psychology degree, ha, ha. Some of the thinking is that PTSD actually rewires your brain because of adrenline overload. Like chronic pain sort of burns you out, and leads to depression. It is probably a combination of many factors. Each of us is an individual with predispositions to certains things. When events, genetics and possible chemical changes converge then...bingo...you have the problems. Sort of like a regular physical illness. What brings it on at a certain age? No one knows for sure. You know people in continual combat break down at a known rate. During WWI and WWII the troops had to be brought out of combat to rest.

My psychologist referred me to a Managing Your Moods group, but it fills quickly and so far another one hasn't been scheduled.

That might be something to look in to. At least if 'something happens', it shows that you were Trying

They do have "Anger Management" groups.....but with my history; I can't handle groups that have men in them. The source of much of my anger revolves around men. (No offense to anyone in here).

AHHHH, I'm cured!
No more MDD, no more pain.

I'm doing as prescribed on here and having I'm having "happy thoughts".
Just think, if I'd known about "the cure" earlier in my life, why I coulda been PREESEEDENT!

But, then I'd have never known "the cure".
Nor would I have known all you schmucks, either.

I'm now trying to decide if knowin' y'all was worth it.
DON'T PRESS THE ISSUE!

Yup, Larry, that's right!!! I'm fairly sure you already all of the following. The problem is it isn't very easy to do. We tend to follow patterns, some of them 40+ yrs old, and should know, by now, that "if we always do what we've always done we will get the same result." I've been able to change some of my thinking and my management of anger is way better than it was 20 yrs ago. Some of it is that I avoid situations that may bring an anger response in me. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, as in when someone cuts me off, in traffic. These days I make the assumption that the other driver didn't see me and had to be somewhere sooner than I did but not that they were intentionally trying to cut me off. Previously, I would become enraged and it would take me sometimes hours to calm back down, while the other driver drove happily away, unaware of what "he had done to me." In reality what I had done to myself. And there are still things I can't or won't change. I've never been out, say at a restaurant, and been harmed (other than by the cooking). However, I, usually, still sit w/my back against the wall and know where all the exits are, because that's when I'm most comfortable. I am getting better, at that, but it's been a very slow process. I don't fly. I will if I ablsolutely must but I prefer to drive. I know flying is safer but then I'm not in control. Anyway, as I said it's not easy to do. jmo

pr

You're talking about "anger management", whereas I am referring to "Major Depressive Disorder".
They are NOT one in the same.
And, you'll not cure MDD by "thinking happy thoughts".
And, I'm referring back to your assinine remark:

"You can disagree but both anger and depression come from within us. It's caused by how we think about things that go on around us. Once one realizes that, they can change their thinking."

And, I say "assinine" bacause it belittles those of us who do suffer from MDD. How is it belittling? By inferring that, somehow we are not capable of controlling our "emotions", when all we really have to do is "think happy thoughts", without taking into consideration the endless months and years that have been taken from our lives by this terrible DISEASE! YES, it IS a DISEASE, and, just like you can no more "cure" appendicitis by "changeing your thinking", we can no more cure MDD by doing the same!

I was deeply offended by someone even making such a stupid remark!

So true Larry.

As far as "Anger Management"....I'm not going to tip-toe thru life in an attempt to avoid being angry. I refuse to miss my son's baseball games because other parents are being a$$holes.
I can be thrown into a severe anger cycle just opening the mail!!! (When there are lots of bills)...But I have to do it.

I hate being angry all the time...I tell all my psych docs this & all I get is that deer in the headlight stare back and some stupid remark about having happy thoughts or avoiding situations. That's it!

Only two therapists I had really worked with my anger issues......one retired, the other one took another job.

I enjoy my anger moments too especially when i'm depressed. Anger has a way of letting me forgot about my depression. I sometimes feel high when I get angry. I yell, throw stuff, beat my stuffed animals, and usually don't stop until I feel some pain. Pain as in I hit something and I bruise myself up a little. The pain is another part of the high that I like and after the pain my anger goes down.

It's all a process and as long as no one gets in my way when I'm angry everyone's safe except for the furniture.

Jay

Geez Larry, but that's tough stuff that you were offended. Depression still comes from within and I stand by my statement. Changing ones thinking can certainly improve ones condition. Some may need some medication, to assist, at times, but to blame everyone else or outside sources is plain ridiculous! jmo

pr

Soooooo PR,
Most of my PTSD and MDD comes from being raped while active duty. How again is this my fault? How again does this "come from within"?

No. You've crossed a dangerous line here. I suggest you stop playing doctor.

purple - I'm not saying that. Some people get PTSD and some don't, all from the same type of incident. How we deal w/what has happened is an individual process. Rape is a terrible event and I'm glad it never has happened to me. But how that life shattering/changing event effects a person is a personal thing. A person can choose to accept and move on. PTSD is also an accept and move on thing. I can choose to wallow(sp) in self-pity, being angry, or I can accept that bad things happen to good people. We know life is not fair. I choose to accept what has happened and move on. It is hard and everyday I have to work at it but I continue to try. I'm not going to comment on this topic anymore. I've defended my position. You and Larry can agree or disagree w/me. jmo

I'm going to chime in a give some advice/opinions, etc.. When I got out of the service I was as nervous as mexican jumping bean. Friends of mine got me into working out gym, raquetball, running, golf, kayaking, etc.. I have been doing all these thing the past 30 years or so, some more than others. I have been thrown in jail in South America and in the US, all drug related stuff. I was spiraling out of control. While incarcerated here in the US I really got into running, 10 miles a day. I kept that up until I started getting knee and heel problems. To this day I still go to the gym for a couple hours, 4 or five time a week, still golf, kayak, bicycle. Been through the whole gamut of anger, cognitive, groups and sessions and have learned from those programs. But during those years I was not taking any prescribed meds for ptsd or depression. So what I am saying is that physical activity is the only thing that kept me sane and functiong. I started taking medications around 5-6 years ago for depression, anger, etc.. Then the diagnoses for ptsd came. The meds really did take the edge off and made me lot less angst. But, I still have to work out, especially cardio. The anger, depression, anxiety, ptsd issues wont ever go away. I'm aware of my problems and monitor them and along with the meds, exercising and life lessons learned I feel that things are fairly in control. I am a firm believer being active, exercising is the best therapy there and it can be free. Walking 45 minutes at a rapid pace is an excellent cardio workout. I know that there are people who have limitations to what they can do physically and that is a whole different story. I am talking about individuals who can walk and do most every thing on there own. Embrace what you have and use it, because life is short. Hope this can help.


t&b

First of all, sir, I never, ever, have "blamed" ANYone else and certainly not "everyone else".
Nor, have I blamed "outside sources".
And, it thrills me so much to see that it is okay to take "some medication, to assist, at times".

Give me your 'phone number, Doc, so's I can give you a ringy-dingy to check to see if I can take some of my medication, some of the time. You know, that medication that I have to take, daily, that medication that takes THREE WEEKS to build up an adequate blood level to keep me from wanting to commit suicide. Yeah, THAT medication.

But, I do accept your apology for being offensive.

I guess that one of the reasons that you are so blissful is that ignorance IS bliss. And, I'm certainly sorry if I have offended YOU!

PR--

So now I'm "wallowing in self-pity"??? You jerk. And I'm being nice. I think you just wanted to send me over the edge.

Thanks. Job well done.

wholesale if you are physically hurting yourself if you are feeling a high from it, then i strongly suggest that you tell your doc, this is not healthy and hopefully they can help you manage it better.

or, just think happy thoughts.

I'm going to chime in again. I have been following this thread and I think there has been some good advice given in this thread. But in reality the thread does not seem to be doing any good for some members and is turning in too a combative/name caling thread. It is sad that some people will not take advice or help and disagree to disagree just to get attention to there plight. I'm not going to post in this thread again. It's turning into a circus and ought to be closed.

t&b

i concur

this topic is closed.

please folks find a healthy way to manage your anger, you are all to important to us. take time off the board if need be.

let's not get into a fight about why we get into fights. please step back and remember why we are here. and please if someone is ringing your bell in an unpleasant way put them on your ignore list click on the My Controls item it's on the same line as View New Posts, it's part of your tool set here, use it if you need to.